Frustration, Flesh, Enemy???

I started out yesterday morning by not getting up and doing my Chronological reading, and in turn not blogging on the Word. Yea, I was in the Word my bible plans and studies I have been doing for Lent and just my general studies. I woke at 430 as usual and only tossed and turned for an hour or so and just never got around to doing my Chronological reading. After lounging around too long with reading other study stuff I didn't have time to do my regular read and blogging, so I thought I would just do it when I got home. I had to get gone to run a few errands. I had to go to Ft. Smith and go to Sam's and as I was going I called the boys and we all met up for lunch. So, me and Dad and boys and Stella all ate lunch together. After all was said and done I got home and fed livestock and put up feed and groceries and laid back to read and fell out and slept for a while. I got up later and went to the bed. I felt bad about not getting my reading done, or blog typed. 

Now I woke this morning early again as usual but didn't even get to the point of doing but a little reading mostly only tossed and turned trying to go back to sleep abit but never happened. Now I found that this was starting my day off bad by not getting up, not reading, not blogging. As I was getting up I got ready for church and told dad to get ready and we had 2 hours to leave. I ironed clothes for me and for him and he was poking around about getting ready. As time to leave approached I began to tell him to hurry we needed to leave soon. He still poked around. My patiences was definitely being tested. My temper was rising. I kept it all in and trapped but wasn't casting it out yet. 

As dad clearly wasn't gonna be ready in time to leave I really was pretty upset but kept it inside for the most part with the exception of making the comment "Well we aren't gonna make it to the 9:00 service so you got more than enough time again to get ready in time". I may have said it with a little aggravation but I really don't think he was catching it. As we were already too late to make first service my sister text me that if I had dad ready by 10:30 she would come get him and take him to their church today. It kinda aggravated me about her waiting so late to make any suggestion. She doesn't wanna face my Church on family Sunday because that would mean she had to take her daughter with her in the sanctuary. I just think she should be disciplined enough to be in the sanctuary, instead of my sister the parent worried about having to put up with her during service. Any how I just asked dad which church he wanted to go too and he said hers so I said, "ok bye" I was gonna see if I could make it to not miss any of the message. I text my sister and told her he was ready. 

Now all this was causing an aggravation to arise in me. I asked why Lord and just got things still to arise in me still. I failed in some personal thoughts and actions Saturday morning and maybe overdid it on my eating at work on Friday. Had some aggravating thoughts in my difference of opinion with my boys and their thoughts of certain issues. I was really happy about the visit with my boys in most all things. It was great to get to visit with them together, that rarely happens. 

Now as I headed to church I put on a book by Jimmy Evans I was listening too, and I wasn't focuses so I stopped it and put on worship music, that wasn't gonna cut it either. I stopped the music and only had my thoughts with the Lord and my Aggravation. I asked why Lord why is all this getting to me, why am I getting so troubled over this petty stuff. He clearly said to me "You didn't ask me""You didn't seek me first". Now this hit home so hard and fast it really had my on my heals, but I did see it as soon as I heard it. I didn't ask:

Lord help me to deal with my dad

Lord help me to deal with my sister

Lord help me to deal with my boys

Lord help my dad

Lord help my sister

Lord help my boys thinking

Lord forgive me for my over indulgence

Lord forgive me for my wrong thinking

Lord forgive me for being lazy, not reading the Word or blogging

Lord forgive me for just being lazy

Lord forgive me not going to you immediately about being aggravated

Lord help me to get past all this and onto where your will desires me to be

I found some extreme clarity into my personal world as I heard the voice of the Lord upon my life to do with the things arising in me. He showed me how and why I was in the state I was in. I failed to go to Him first in all things in my life especially things of a negative nature, and even the positive with thanksgiving and praise. I was just teaching thursday and even spoke on the same subject of going to the Lord in regards to all things positive or negative. praise the positive and praise the negative. Know the Lord allows the positive and negative in our lives to work together for his glory. 

Lord, I give you all the praise and all the glory and honor I have in me. Lord I ask that you help me to continually give you praise in the good and the bad that enter my life. Help me to find the grace to supply others in my life as the Lord has given to me even when I don't deserve. I wish to be as Christ in my life in all things I encounter. I ask that you Father will help me to receive all you have for me in these times of learning to become more Christlike. Father, I ask all in the glorious gracious wonderful beautiful precious humble thankful name of Christ Jesus, Amen!

I felt I should place a disclaimer in here, this is clearly all this ol’ boys flesh rising up and my inside thoughts. I just wanna be clear this is primarily the junk that’s running through this ol’ noggin. I put no blame or cause on my dad sister boys or anyone for anything. I’m clearly a human with fleshly thoughts that I thought would be good to get out and even share with someone to see that we all still face the same things in life. The difference maker is the way in which we handle it. Are we going to God first or at all? Are we failing like I did these days? You find out for yourself!